What counts.

Here I sit on my bed with the window cracked open just enough to feel the crisp fall breeze in my room. With the darkness of night engulfing our apartment complex, I hear the chatter and laughter flowing through my window. I feel the urge to skip out there and attempt to strengthen my sense of belonging socially. Yet I find myself rarely going out there. Nighttime is one of the hardest times for me to communicate. It’s dark, which means it’s very hard to read lips, eyes and body language efficiently and be able to keep up with a conversation. But this it feels as this is when everyone comes out to play. Ultimately I don’t like ending my days by racking up a whole bunch more “what?”s. 

I miss stuff all the time have to ask for stuff to be repeated. Which is not the funnest thing in the world. On a good day I’ll have five or less what’s- and that’s a really good day- actually those days are probably the days I spend most of my time in the library…

Emily (my younger sister who also has a hearing loss) and I would have some of the most entertaining late night chats just laughing about our what counts- how many times we said what that day or dumb things we missed or ways we tried to pretend like we heard and epically failed. As my sister Jaclyn said “there is power in knowing you are not alone” it’s so true. Emily has been such a strength and emotional boost to me. We have a fun time laughing about how high the what's can get but its always with an underlying thought of "if only people knew what it's like..." 

I just want to say this- Emily and I and all of the other hard of hearing children do our best but sometimes we just can’t keep up. If we say what- we really didn’t get it and we were bold enough to ask what- so help us out. It doesn’t help to laugh about something we miss, that only makes my face flush and I’ve already got rosy cheeks.

Get to know us. Learn to catch on when we are struggling, learn the responses we give that clearly cue that we missed something, help us out- it would mean the world to us. As a Coleman, I’m not that great at asking or even accepting help but the people that take the time to understand where I’m coming from and learn how to pick up when I’m struggling and give me that little guidance that usually makes my day.  This not only goes for us with hearing loss but for anyone that is struggling. Maybe it’s easy for me to say as someone that is particularly good at observing but make that extra effort to step back, and try to look at someone else’s life through their eyes- you can make a world of difference in their day.

What counts. It’s a game that Emily and I laugh about until we have tears of frustration in our eyes.

What counts. Is the people you interact with, the friends you make and the effort you put into keeping them your true friends.

What counts. Is being a true friend by losing yourself in the service of others.

What counts. Is the atonement of Christ is for every single one of us and because of that, life is so good!

What counts. Is that I know that my life is a miracle. That I have a Heavenly Father that is excited for me to continue fulfilling my potential, and that no matter how high the mountain, how low the valley or how dark the tempest- I will never deny or forsake my hope, faith and salvation through Christ my Redeemer.